My love for you is forbidden
by Saiyasha27
Summary: Severus Snape begis to feel that his love for Lily might have changed into a love for her son... Rated M for later Sexual content Male x Male, don't like DON'T READ! The Chapters will be re-released later when a friendly colleague has looked over them. Until then, please bare with my english, my mothertongue is German...
1. Dreams

**Dreams**

_It was dark. I was standing in complete Blackness, my Heart beating like a drum. I had always feared the Darkness but at the same time felt an unhealthy amount of attraction towards it. But this was not normal Darkness. This one was Heavy and suppressing, making it hard to breath._

_I knew this was a Dream. I fact I knew the Dream itself very well. I had had it several times. It kept visiting me, ever since the Night that Lily died. _

_As if my thoughts had called her to me, there she was standing and smiling at me, her Green Eyes sparkling with so much Life that the prospect of her being dead seemed so very unreasonable. Then she changed, and Lily became James. How I loathed him. Even after Death I could never forgive him for stealing her from me. Never. _

_But know that I looked closer I saw that it wasn't James. It was Harry. His Son. But also her son. This boy looked so much like James that I barely could suppress my hate sometime. But then he looked my way, and there were her eyes, emeralds shining through the deepest blackness, as if she told me she would always be watching over me, even know. _

_He looked sad and tearful and very lonely at me. His Voice quivered as he begged:"Severus..." He called for me. But I could not move. And there he was. Behind Harry, high, towering, a face so cruel that I wanted to run away immediately. Voldemort. He who had taken Lily from me all these Years ago. And now he was standing there grinning as he rose his Wand and pointed it at Harry. I wanted to shout, to scream, to push him out of the way. But it was no use helpless as I've always been I watched as Voldemort spoke the words and Harry's Life vanished in a flash of Green Light._

With a muffled scream Severus jerked awake. He was panting and his Heart was beating frantically.

Lilys and Harry's face were still burning in his field of vision and he did not have the strength to suppress the Tears streaming down his cheeks.

The next morning, Severus felt horrible. He hadn't been able to go back to sleep after that for a long time, and the man glaring back at him from the mirror seemed to say: Merlin, you are getting old.

For a second he wondered if he should ask Albus for a Day of, but then he shook his Head. He had not sunken so far that he would submit to letting _Dreams _rule his Behaviour.

So he took a little flask out of a closet above the washing basin and opend it. A foul stench reached his Nose. "Bon appetite..." he murmured and with one big gulp tossed it down at once. It tasted even worse then it smelled but it certainly got the Job done. He looked his normal grumpy, if slightly disgusted self, and he would have no Problems scaring any pupils who dared coming in the way of the "old bat" as they called him.


	2. Absent

**Absent**

Harry looked up his Schedule for today. And moaned. First was double Potion with Snape. Great. Really great. He sighed while starting to terminate the grand Portion of Bacon and egg on his Plate. He didn't like Potions. But not, as everyone thought, because he didn't like Snape.

The problem was the exact opposite. He liked Snape. One could ask now, 'where is the Problem in that?' Okay, Snape wasn't the really social Type, but still, it wouldn't be that bad to find a Teacher nice would it?

But Harry didn't find Snape 'nice'. Or 'friendly'. No. Harry thought Snape was wonderful. Not an a friendly level. Harry wanted more. Harry was Head over Heals in Love.

He sighed again. Well he had a great Plan how to deal with Snape today!

He would avoid him. Skip the Class and don't even think about sitting in the same room with him for two ours, not allowed to come near him, to touch him... Sometimes he hated his Life so much.

"I thin I forgot something in the Common Room" He said hastily to Ron and Hermione. He hated lying to them but Hermione would never let him Cut a Class, especially not without a good explanation, and that he could not give. So he told them to go on without him, he would come after them later.

Out of the Great Hall he sneaked down to the Dungeons. This wasn't even to be called silly any more, this was downright idiotic. But he wanted to be near him. At least for a bit.

He hid behind the Statue of some old Witch and watched as the first Pupils came down the stairs. He also saw Ron an Hermione, looking worried as they looked around for him. Answering there Questions later would be Hell.

But his Attention got Distracted, because there He was, His Cloak long and wide, Looking like black Wings, making him a fallen Angel... Harry shook his Head about his thoughts. He sounded like he was a 12 Year old girl with his first Crush, not a 15 Year old boy with an unhealthy addiction to a man twice as old as him. Still his Heart started to beat faster as Snape swooped Past him. For a Second he paused, and Harry feared that he had seen him. But then he went away, slamming the doors open with his usual coldness and closing them behind Him. Harry sighed in relief. But somewhere deep down, he felt a sting of disappointment. If he had seen Harry, he would have come over and for an awful, wonderful second, as negative as it was, his attention would have belonged to him all alone.


	3. Detention

**Detention**

Snape was confused when he entered the Classroom. Of course he had seen Potter. Like a little Child he had hidden behind the Statue of Fanny the Fierce. First he wanted to snatch him then an there but then he decided to do it after Class when Potter thought himself save. He would teach him to skip HIS Class.

But on the other hand it seemed very strange to him that Potter would hide down here in the Dungeons where he must fear to be spotted. He he wanted to cut Class, why not hide in the Common Room?

He began the Lesson. Today he would teach those little twats how to brew a Potion that would make the drinker look more attractive in the eyes of others. Women loved this one.

While he looked carefully over the weighing and cutting of Ingredients and the stirring of Potions, his mind wandered to the dream from last Night. It had been the first time, Harry had occurred in them. Why was that? Only because he had Lily's eyes? It was time that he got over it. Lily was dead and there was no force in this world that would ever bring her back.

Surprisingly, that thought did not hurt as much as it used to. Was it possible that this old wound finally healed? But why now?

He shook his Head. To many 'why' for one lesson. He banned every thought of Potter or Lily or the dream from his Head until the lesson was over and the Pupils where excused.

When the bell rang for the end of class Harry's Heart nearly skipped. He got to his feet quickly, stuffing back the enchantment Homework he had done during the lesson. The Pupils rushed out of the class and Harry carefully sneaked out of his Hideout to mix with the... "POTTER!" Damn, obviously not sneaky enough. He slowly turned around and said "Yes, Professor?" , with such a look of pure innocence that everyone else had melted. Not Snape however his Eyes gleamed with the Promise of Trouble. Big Trouble. "This Evening. My Office. Detention. No one will skip my class unscathed." and with this he rushed out of Sight.

" Harry, what did you think? How could you just skip class like this? Really don't come whining if Snape keeps you there all Evening, I think you really..." Hermione started nagging, the moment she saw him. Now Ron fell in too, angry, because Harry didn't invite him to skip. This made Hermione even more furious and soon the two of them were fighting really hard.

But Harry didn't pay attention. He just realized that he had won a whole Evening with Snape alone.

Ok, it might not have been an invitation to a romantic Date, but better than nothing. He wasn't sure if the rumbling in his stomach was a sign that he was happily excited or scared to death.

"Come on Harry, will be late. Or do you want to skip Transformation too, huh?"

Hermiones Voice ripped him from his daydreams and he silently shook his Head and followed them.


	4. Detention 2

**Detention Part2 **

Severus looked at the clock above the door. A quarter before eight. Potter had to be there any moment. He had prepared a nice little task for him, writing Parent notes. This was a nerve-wrecking task, because every letter ad to have the exact same content, except for whom it was addressed to. Usually, Students didn't last half an Hour before they gotten the same name twice and had to start a letter all over again. And of course it had to be written neatly, so whenever Snape thought something was not written enough he told the pupil to write it again. He usually only did this, _after _the pupil had finished a letter.

A knock on the door zapped him from his thoughts. "Come in." he said. Potter followed the order. Snape showed him the desk and gave him his task. Funny, he didn't have the feeling that Potter was worried about this, more like he was... excited. Maybe he had a date this evening? All the more Reason to keep him here for a long time. Whatever it was it would wait. For skipping so dilettante you really had to be punished.

Before Potter he cast one last glance at me. Those eyes. Oh Lily, why did he have to inherit those? Oh no, not yet. He did not have time for such foolish thoughts. He found it lucky Potter didn't know the first thing about legilimentic, or else, the Picture of him, Snape as an old grumpy bat would really crumble. The thought made him smile. A strange feeling, for he hadn't smiled in a very long time.

When he looked up, he saw that Potter was staring at him.

"What are you doing? Am I a letter? Go and start writing, boy, lest you want to spend the night here!"

Oh! My! God!

Harry's Heart was still racing when he turned back to the desk. Did he see that right, just now? Snape, that grumpy old Bat, had _smiled_ ? And in his presence too. When he was back he would mark this day red in his calendar. Hearty red...

But first he had to do this daunting task. He sighed. It might not seem very creative but it was certainly effective. McGonnagal had him do this once, it really was gruesome. He soon lost count of how many letters he had written. And Snape didn't say a word, in fact he seemed to be Pretty lost in thought. If only that Clock would stop ticking so noisily... he hadn't slept much in the last few nights, and the Reason for that sat right behind him. And when he finally slept, he kept dreaming of him... this really wasn't fair...


	5. Revelations

**Revelations**

The scratching from quill on parchment had stopped. Snape looked up in confusion. Surely Potter wasn't meaning to take a break, was he? Not under his watch, he wouldn't. But as he stood up, the tall man noticed that the boys head was lying on the desk. He couldn't... he wouldn't!

But he was. Harry Potter was sleeping on the desk, a bit of Ink on his left cheek, where he had dropped the quill. Snape couldn't believe it. He raised his had to shake him awake but then he stopped. The boy looked so peaceful, so young... Up until now, Snape hadn't even noticed that Harry looked older, a bit more concerned with every Year. And who was wondering. He had faced the dark lord now three times, and right now, everyone thought he was a liar for saying he was back. He had watched another boy die, even more, being murdered. He had looked evil right in the face.

Snape of course knew that he was right. The Mark on his arm shone, even if not as bright as the night HE had returned. But still it was there.

Snape wondered. He already knew what this term would bring. There was no way around what he had to do. And after that, Things would never be the same. He wasn't even sure if he would be there after it was all over. If it was going to be over any time soon at all. His head started to spin. There was too much he could think about know, too much that still lay unclear in the future. But he decided, for this night, he wouldn't wake Harry up. Snape doubted he slept much. With a wink of his wand he conjured up an mattress and made Harry float onto it. Then he bewitched the quill so that it was finishing the work the boy had started. After that he sat still for a long while. Pondering the future.

Harry awoke in the middle of the Night. He had had a Nightmare, about Voldemort, killing Cedric... He had those often and sometimes wondered if they would ever go away or I there would just be added some new once to this over time.

Slowly, he realized that he wasn't in the dormitory. Confused he looked around. Because of the Darkness and his still being dizzy from waking up it took him a moment to understand that he was still in Snape's office. The last thing he could remember was writing, the same lines again and again... Had he fallen asleep? If so why, for Merlin's sake, hadn't Snape woken him up? This was all very curious. He stood up and looked around, but the Potions Master was nowhere to be seen. Then Harry noticed the Door on the other side of the room. It must lead to a kind of Bedchamber or living Quarter.

Sneaking, he made his way through the room. He pressed his ear to the Door, but heard nothing. Slowly, very careful not to make a sound, praying the door didn't squeak, he opened it.

It was dark in there but since Harry's eyes were already a bit used to Darkness he could make out a Bed, a Desk and a Water basin in the small room. He carefully treaded nearer. Until he stood next to the bed. There he lay, Eyes closed. Harry gulped down and fought the urge to touch his face. Snape looked a lot younger in sleep, and for the first time Harry asked himself how old he could really be. He knew Snape had been in Hogwarts with his Parents, so obviously something in his end-thirties or mid-fourties. Then why did he tend to look that much older most of the time, as if something was weighing him down?

Harry's Heart nearly gave out when Snape suddenly stirred. First he thought he might have woken him, but then he noticed that he was sweating. A quiet murmur, came from his lips and Harry drew nearer to listen"...no...don't...not Lily... Lily..."

Harry drew back. Shock surging through his body. Then, silent as he had come in, he left the chamber.


	6. Promises

**Promises**

Snape shot up, a stifled cry on his lips. The same dream again. But this time, he had woken up early. Voldemort hadn't had a chance to kill Harry this time. Something had pulled him out of his nightmare before that could happen, but what. He listened into the darkness. And there he heard it. A small muffled crying, a sobbing, from the other side of the door. Who by Merlin's beard would that be? A Ghost? Well whoever it was, he was not supposed to be in Snape's Office a this time of Night! He stood up quickly, only dressed with sleeping trousers and slammed the door open to give the culprit a good startle.

He definitely succeeded in that. Harry Potter sat on the floor, Tears streaming down his cheeks and now looking terrified. Snape had completely forgotten about him. "What on earth..." he started out but the words chocked in his throat. How could he look so helpless, so fragile? And why did this look so familiar to him? And then he knew. It was the same kind of look the Dream-Harry always had, right before Voldemort killed him. Some Part of Snape's brain must have been shut of a this moment, because instead of telling him that now, that he was awake, he could get lost, he dropped down to his knees and took the sobbing boy into his arms. The crying stopped for a second, and the boy went rigid. Snape wanted to draw back, as to not frighten him more, with this more then unusual _and_ inappropriate behaviour, but to his surprise, to Hands clinched on his Arms, shaking but firmly gripping him so he couldn't back away.

"I'm sorry..._hic_...to..._hic_...bother you S-sir..._hic_" said he between sobs, clearly trying to pull himself together

"Now, now..." was all that Snape could muster. He had absolutely _no_ experience, _whatsoever_ how to console a crying teenager, but he definitely knew that what he was doing right now, was not the way a _teacher_ should console a _student_.

And it got worse, when he felt Potters Hands on his back, warm and soft... A memory of green eye's came up in his Head, but they weren't Lily's...

And Severus Snape did something very stupid. He kissed Potter, right on the mouth.

And Potter kissed back.

At first it was careful, clearly inexperienced. But soon, both of them grew more courageous seeking out the other. Snape parted Potters lips with his tongue and the Boy let him in willingly.

With a soft sigh, he sank back on the ground, taking Snape with him, who let go of his lips, only to start kissing his collar bone, and neck.

"P-professor..." These words pulled Snape back into reality. What _was_ he doing? Potter was a student, a boy on top of that and he was about to... do what exactly?

"No! Please Professor... Don't... please... don't stop..."

Snape looked down on the younger one, whose eyes went teary again. "Potter, this... this isn't..."

"I know it's not allowed, but I won't tell anyone, I promise, please, only this once... only tonight..."

Something I this words triggert Snape. Only this once. There would never be another chance. Not after this Year was over. He would be gone. Hated. Harry would only look at him to kill him. Only tonight.

And with a deep Breath he threw Caution to the wind and began kissing his way down, sliding one hand beneath Harry's Sweater. Harry. It sounded nice to say his First name, even if only in his head. The boy started to pant as Snape found his already stiff Nipple and started teasing it, circling around and Pinching a little. Then he let go for a second, to pull the Sweater and Shirt of Harry, exposing his white Chest. Harry was halfway through the transformation from a boy to a man. He was still slender but muscles started to show themselves under his abdomen an on his Arms and his shoulders became broader. Snape let a hand slide down Harry chest, then bend down an started to suck on a nipple.

Harry arched his back and a small moan fled his lips as the grown man started rubbing his trousers and his growing member inside them. With a wif of his hand, Snape made them vanish, along with Harry' underwear, so that the boy was now completely exposed to him. He took Harry's Member into his hands and started rubbing it. The boy moaned again, louder this time, and bit his lips as he started to pant and wriggle under Snape's touch.

"Let your voice out Harry, no one will here you" Said Snape in a low voice, showing his own Lust.

He continued licking and kissing Harry's Torso, but was now wandering down.

And when he took him in his mouth harry gave a scream and clenched his hands into the Potions Masters Hair.

"More...oh, God, More!", he gasped, as Snape now began circling his entrance. Harry took in a sharp breath when he led on finger in, slowly preparing him for later. Harry's stifled cries soon became more moans of pleasure and Snape took a second and third finger to make sure he wouldn't be in Pain.

"More...Sever...us...please...", The boy Panted and wriggled beneath him. And Snape obliged. With one swift movement he took out his Fingers and placed his own length at the boys entrance. Then he slowly started pushing in. Harry gave a whimper of Pain and Snape could see a single tear rolling down his Cheek. He bend down to lick it up.

"Bear with me jut a little longer," he said "It'll soon be better." he pushed all in in and waited for Harry to relax. When the boy softened he started to slowly pull out and push in again and was son rewarded by not painful cries but pleasured moans and gasps. Snape started to pick up the pace going faster and the boy clenched his hands on his arms, pulling him close. Faster and harder, Snape rammed into him, and satisfied by the screams an d yells he got as a reply until he felt he couldn't hold it any more. With Harry's Name on his lips he came, soon followed be the younger one.


	7. Lies

**Lies**

The next morning, the sun peered through the window, waking Snape early. He had to think for a second why he was laying ion the floor and not in his bed, then he remembered. He looked sideways to see Harry, cuddled at his side. He looked so innocent... Shame rose through Snape as he remembered last night. What had he done? Even if the boy had given in willingly, even if by any chance he didn't despise Snape for what he did, the Potions Master would still have to break his Heart. Come the time when he had to fulfill the promise he made to Dumbledore, there would be no going back, never. He had the choice to break the boys Heart immediately, here and now, or wait, let him think they had a chance only to crush everything later. His Chest tightened.

Then he jolted as Harry suddenly began to stir.

"Mhhm...", the boy mumbled indistinguishably. He opened his eyes and looked up at Snape. At first his look was puzzled, then he smiled... and went bright red, followed by him hiding beneath the sheet they had loosely put over themselves last night.

"Are you... alright?", Snape asked carefully. A movement was seen under the sheet that could have been either a nod or a shaking.

"Sorry, I didn't get that...", The older man that awkwardly. Harry's head emerged just long enough for Snape to see him nod quickly, then he dived again.

"So... why are you hiding?", said the other in a slightly puzzled Voice, this behavior not making any sense at all to him.

"...'mbarressed..."

Snape could hardly suppress a small laugh. But he got serious again. He had to decide now and here. It would be easy right? Jut tell him it was a mistake, a one-night-stand, never to happen again. He should get himself a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, someone who really loved him...

"Severus?"

Snape had been so deeply in thought that he hadn't noticed Harry resurfacing again, still red, though this might now be more because of the lack of oxygen beneath the sheet then due to his embarrassment.

"Do you... regret it?"

the boy said in in such a small, scared voice, his eyes set on nape so pleadingly... He couldn't. He couldn't tell him right in the face, not here, not now.

"No. I don't regret it. I am a bit unsure if it was the right thing to do... you are still very young and I am your teacher after all... But I don't regret it."

Harry smiled gladly. And that was when Snape decided. He would hold this up as long as possible. And maybe one day, Harry would be able to forgive him. Maybe when this was all over he could tell him. Maybe they could start anew then.


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

He ran through the Portal when he heard Harry shoot spells behind him. He glanced back, only for a second and saw the Tears streaming down his face. His heart broke when he saw his Eyes, shocked, hurt, shattered. And he could hear the words as clearly as if he had spoken them

'How could you?'

How could he? 'To save you' he wanted to say. 'To protect you'. But no use. Too late. It was all too late. And with a last, pained look, he dissapparated.

Blood was gashing out of Snape's wound. He knew this was it. Not even Madame Pomfrey would be able to fix him anymore. He looked sideways and saw a figure emerge next to him. It was blurred and shadowy, but Snape knew. It was him. He had come. Snape tried to reach out for Harry's face but he couldn't make it. All he could do was give him the bottle, the bottle with Memory's that would explain it all. He could see the tears streaming down Harry's face as his Vision darkened. He wanted to tell him, not to cry, not to worry. But his Voice wasn't doing what it should. He tried to breath, tried to speak... then his Fingers went limb and Severus Snape was dead


End file.
